Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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