I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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