Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
