Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
