Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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