Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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