This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
