just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
