I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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