Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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