Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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