what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
