Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
