He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
