your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
