they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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