When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
someone owes me an orgasm
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
