found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need moral support for this bender
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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