I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
NoShamevember. You game?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
