No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
