how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
