nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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