She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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