My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
