it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
