Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
