in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
