yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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