Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
