Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
