Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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