I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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