bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
