so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
