Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i love accidental penises.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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