i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize