DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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