Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
