Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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