I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
