just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
