I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
