i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
