Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
