Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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