I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
