so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
