you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
