So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
