Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
