obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
