i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize