Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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