I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
