the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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