After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
