did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
