I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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