Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize