I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
