i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize