I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
