Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
