eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
