I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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